Today I walked into a chat room while searching for a few minutes of relaxation. A lady went to the room and asked if anybody was interested in speaking seriously with her. I felt disturbed, so I agreed to talk privately with her.
She clarified that she was 18 years old, in college, and she was very interested in one of her teachers, who was also a female, and wondered if this meant that she was a lesbian. She explained that she never felt like this about a woman, but she hated leaving class on Fridays because it meant that she wouldn’t see her teacher until Monday, so does that imply that she’s a lesbian? She explained that she didn’t feel this woman’s sexual desire, but she couldn’t get her out of her mind, how could she be a lesbian? She would never have been interested in a boy, but that didn’t mean she was a lesbian, wasn’t she?
So clearly a crush was what this young lady described; it was charming, but also heartbreaking. In her words, I could hear the panic-the fear of her family and friends being “different.” Suddenly, at a young era, I realized how overwhelming it might be to come out to oneself.
Because at a later age (early 30’s), I would have come out to myself, I felt my experience wasn’t going to really cover her problems. I shared her condition with the other females with her consent and asked for their feedback.
Hearing the women share their own varied experiences— from their first crush to their sexual feelings (with both men and women), I couldn’t assist but think that at some stage we all converged into almost the same impressions / emotions. Each of us had encountered something distinct, but none of us felt sorry about our behavior or expressed adverse emotions. Each of us seemed to recognize that this was our method— and no one seemed to think that blame was needed. One thing I discovered very interesting was that nobody felt the need to disown it, no matter what the experience. No one had to point to the experience of someone else and make it wrong.
Happily, no one feels the need to define what was bad in terms of their private views. Rather, everything was based on what was good and accepted. When the young woman tried to identify something as negative at one point, all the women corrected her— it wasn’t about what we didn’t want— it was about what we wanted.
It’s been a really bonding, great moment, and I have to thank all those females…
Until next time…