Problem #1 – Committing Too Fast (a.k.a. The U-Haul)
When women get attracted to each other, we go into limerence, a brain-chemistry high that feels like being in love. (All couples are affected by limerence, but it’s strongest for lesbians! There’s a reason why no one jokes about straight couples or gay men bringing a U-haul on the second date…but some version of that is one of the most common lesbian relationship problems.) Limerence can fool you into thinking you’re perfect for each other – and set you up for a huge let-down 3-12 months later, when the brain chemical high wears off.
Solution: Don’t move in together, get engaged, get married or make other big plans within the first six months, no matter how tempted you are. If it’s real, it will last. Don’t believe the fantasy that your problems or incompatibilities will “get better with time;” most often they’ll actually get worse. Love does not conquer all – you also need to have compatibility! (See below)
Problem #2 – She’s Not Right For You
She could be cute, hot and a great person. You could have a magical, heartfelt connection and amazing chemistry. And she could still be totally wrong for you. Why? Because great as those are, none of those things mean that you and she are compatible for the long haul.
Solution: Learn the truth about compatibility (and bust the myths!) The key element is knowing what your relationship vision is, seeking someone with a similar vision, and making sure you both have the skills to manifest that vision. None of us is born knowing how to have a happy, healthy, lasting relationship, and most of us didn’t learn it from our parents, either! Check out our book Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love for more info on how to avoid this and other common lesbian relationship problems, or take the ground-breaking online course The 12-Week Roadmap To Conscious Lesbian Dating and lasting Love.
Problem #3 – Giving Yourself Up
Women are socialized to put other peoples’ needs first. You may think it’s selfish to assert your own preferences, or feel like you have to go along with hers in order to be loved. Many women have a deeply engrained belief that intimate relationships require them to give themselves up. Friends? Work? Hobbies? Alone time? Who needs any of that when you’re in a good relationship, right? Wrong! Sacrificing yourself or changing your life for your girlfriend creates all kinds of lesbian relationship problems.