We’ve all heard tales of how real lesbians are. The beings of the phrase— You can’t be a lesbian, you are also… Complete the blank]. Let’s investigate some of these hypotheses and stereotypes, do we?
Lesbians are hateful to males.
I’m sure there are lesbians out there who hate males as well; I’ve never encountered them before. I met a couple of heterosexual women who, although they don’t use the words I hate men, talk about men in a way that doesn’t sound hot and friendly. I understand most lesbians appreciate men as friends, colleagues, and relatives. I encountered females who think that only space is needed for womyn— a place to get away from males. I don’t believe they’re called formal men-haters.
Lesbians would like to be males.
Lesbians are pleased to be females. Quite different from a transgender individual who might want to match their emotional / psychological orientation to alter their physical gender.
Lesbians look like some do mannish, some don’t. I understand some very heterosexual butch women, and some very lesbian women. One does not have anything to do with the other. Looking at a group of lesbians, pinning any specific label on their appearance is often hard. They all look distinct just like the general population.
A lesbian just requires to come along with the correct person.
Using this fuzzy-logic; every female requires to come along with the correct person to alter her sexual orientation. When speaking to my colleagues, few really feel that their orientation is about sex. They convey more pleasure in a woman’s feeling, touch, and taste than a guy. Most lesbians speak about an almost spiritual connection and emotional bonding. This logic is slippery and stupid, we all know, but it persists.
Women become lesbians because they are unable to get a guy.
I have personally rejected a number of very severe men’s marriage proposals. Most of the lesbians I know have a lot of favorable male attention. Lesbians who later in life leave husbands (and unfortunately their kids-in bitter battles of custody) behind. This mistake is simply not supported by the statistics.
Lesbians castrate bitches.
Like the general population; in character, most of the lesbians I know differ. Some are strong, assertive women who don’t just fold to save the ego of a man, or fall for a flirtatious tale. I suspect that this fallacy will vanish when males learn to treat females as equals, along with the present discrimination that we all face.
These are the most prevalent misconceptions, and often viciously traded, used today against and about lesbians. They are hurtful— meaning hurtful — and are generally based on private fears. In coping with females as equals, many males are scared or unsure. Giving up their ace in the hole to win their way by flirting when everything else fails.
Behind the words / labels of dyke and lesbian there is a lot of baggage. This baggage leads many females to respond out of fear of being branded a lesbian— and all the more terrifying of being branded a dyke— a phrase that takes on a certain quantity of violence when used with a certain tone of voice.
Maybe we’re all going to move beyond the pettiness one day and stop fearing the labels. I’m looking forward to that.
Until next time…