Lesbians – To Commit Or Not To Commit …

Girl meets boy. Girl dates boy. After some months [sometimes years], the happy couple decides to marry. An engagement of some period of time ensues; all of which culminates in the exchange of marriage vows. If the happy couple resides in the United States, they could be the one-in-two marriages that end in divorce.

So what does that have to do with lesbian relationships?

Well, it seems there are more differences in the coupling rituals between two women than just the gender of the participants. And, if we are honest, we must admit that those U-Haul comments are more than just jokes.

So why do women jump into commitments more quickly than male/female couples?

Many women insist they knew immediately that they had found their soul mate. This would fall under the love at first sight scenario [a popular Hollywood plot development]. And it is not just women – I have many heterosexual friends who insist they have experienced the phenomena — but the heterosexual couples still seem to complete the usual rituals – dating-engagement-marriage. Some may live together for a period of time before final nuptials, but all the bases are hit before the final commitment.

Of course some couples do meet online, and with those who live long distances apart, making the decision sooner rather than later can save the couple thousands of dollars in travel and telephone expenses. Those couples might be quicker to make the commitment decision to move in together than they normally might under different circumstances. And again, this scenario is seen in male/female couples also and so would not be considered particular to woman/woman relationships. However, in a side note, not many male/male couples shortcut the coupling rituals for distance reasons. I doubt there are available studies that would demonstrate the different motivations, but I would guess they are based on either financial or psychological differences – both being the more obvious possibilities.

Then there are the women who may have met while one or both were living with a partner, so while they are moving out from one, it is simply easier to move in together instead of moving twice in a short period of time.

So if we take away all of those special circumstances, why are there still so many women who commit to long-term relationships so quickly?

One reason we might jump too quickly is that we may not take our commitment vows as seriously as we would were we committing to a legally recognized marriage. It is certainly much easier to walk away when the worst part of ending a relationship is deciding what to pack.

Or perhaps it is something small like there is no one with commitment issues willing to put on the breaks. Historically it is the male of the species who is reluctant to commit to one partner. Eliminate the male and soon the partners are jumping instead of dragging their feet.

The question is not one that will likely ever be answered since many lesbians live closeted lives. How does one conduct an accurate study without being able to determine the group?

So what is the point of the question?

Perhaps just that we contemplate our own personal actions for our own benefit is enough.

Until next time… 

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