For centuries, gay men and women have been marrying straight folks, and for every person there is a different reason. Though the reasons vary, the reality is that everyone ends up hurt. So how does it happen?
Some seem to not realize they are gay until later in life, after they have been married a number of years, have 2.5 kids and a dog. How can you not realize you are a lesbian? Easy.
Every movie, television show and commercial tells you that you, as a woman, want a man. Every person in your family talks about the day you will find that special MAN. Every teacher promises your future will include men. And if you do not feel it, well they will reassure you that you are just a late bloomer.
You get the theme. Me Jane must want Tarzan. So once you have Tarzan, you can relax. You have fulfilled societies’ expectations, and now you realize you wanted his sister instead! Oops!
Others hope the marriage will change them into heterosexuals. This could be due to their own internal homophobia, or a reaction they had when they received negative responses from family and friends when they came out.
When the change does not happen, and in fact the urges become stronger and harder to ignore, these folks end up having relationships on the side, until they can no longer play at being the loving heterosexual spouse. Then anything can happen, but it is usually explosive, and painful to everyone involved.
I doubt if I have hit on every reason lesbians end up in heterosexual marriages. But even the few end scenarios we can imagine are something for all of us to consider before we take that final step of the ultimate deception…
Until next time…