The issue has been raised more and more recently, are lesbians biased against bisexual women? The conversation’s eventual drift relies, of course, on the females attending, but it’s always an exciting debate. I discovered the various reasoning and attitudes behind the labels intriguing and often unexpected. Is it correct to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation against a group of people? Or are we exempt from accountability if we suppose that I can expect certain conduct based on the sexuality of a woman? We are not, of course, but are there any lawful reasons to refuse bisexual women to date? This problem is a nice reminder that it is difficult to distinguish what is correct and what is self-protection when attitudes are linked to heart problems.
I’ve heard some very sad tales from the lesbian side that seem to be part of the bias against bisexual women. These tales all seem to be based on private experiences, although I suspect that a friend of a friend relayed many tales. Let’s look at the tales.
From the Side of Lesbians…
I’ve learned from several females over the years-lesbian women-how they got engaged with a female who identified as bisexual. They fell in love with the passing of time. One day their lover announced it was time for them to get on with their life. The lover announced that she would marry Joe and fulfill her dreams— house, picket fence, 2.5 children, the blessing of a dog and society.
A pretty awful way to hear that you just don’t measure what you have to give. Let’s face it, no matter how successful you are— or how much you love her— or how much you care for her— you’re never going to be able to offer that package that includes all the blessings of society. How quickly will you recover?
A female— a lesbian woman— meets and falls in love with a bisexual woman who is self-identified. The fresh love is married to Joe at the moment, but she assures you that she will love you more and leave him… soon. It’s going to start an affair and your lover will leave Joe with you… The kids are old enough once. Or you can afford to live together once. Or as soon as the news is heard by her parents. Or anything that might involve the “until,” but you’re getting the drift.
Time goes on, waiting for the lesbian woman is lonely. She watches her lives go by as she waits for the one she loves to be with. One day lastly comes— the day has arrived that they were waiting for. Only the lover chooses to love her husband really. Or she’s honest enough to admit she can’t face family and friends ‘ divorce or disapproval. Our lesbian wife is left alone and injured.
Then, behind the bisexual identity, there are misconceptions of the significance, and those misconceptions continue even within the lesbian community. It is presumed that bisexual women are promiscuous. Bisexual women just don’t want to acknowledge that they’re lesbians. Must I really tackle the dual standard implied by these assumptions and labels?
Maybe another side of this problem should be regarded as a final note. From a lesbian-identified female who is a regular at the Lesbian Worlds Forum:… I am a lesbian, and lesbianism is what illuminates and enlivens my heart, my mind, and is my soul’s basic truth. You are my friend, but there is a light in you that never fully melds with my light, there are intrinsic variations in who we as females are. MizzT Is that really a bias or a deeper understanding of what a female-a specific lesbian in this case-needs to fall in love with?
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