Is ‘Lesbian Bed Death’ even a real thing?

Whatever your sexuality, dealing with a sex drought in a long-term relationship can be really tough. Throw in the fetishisation of lesbians, and the misconception that we’re at it all the time, and a sex drought can feel like a much bigger deal for us than our straight counterparts. I mean, society has even given us our own special term for when the sex has dried up – Lesbian Bed Death! Sounds ominous, right?

I spoke to queer sex expert, podcaster and author Meg-John Barker about what ‘Lesbian Bed Death’ (LBD) actually is, and how you can get over your own sex slump if you’re lesbian, bisexualpansexual or having sex with another vagina-having human.

What is Lesbian Bed Death?

LBD is the notion that somehow, after being in a long-term relationship, lesbian and same-sex couples have wayyyy less sex than they used to. You might be wondering how the hell that’s different to a mixed-sex relationship – the truth is, it isn’t that different.

A sex drought can happen for a number of reasons, Meg-John explains. “For example, one or both people can feel less sexual if there are periods of sickness, high work stress, or after a trauma or crisis,” they say. Nothing different between lesbian relationships and mixed-sex relationships there then!

But Meg-John does acknowledge there are some special nuances in an all-female relationship. “Female partners in particular often become very close emotionally, spending a lot of day-to-day life together in domestic situations,” they explain. “It can be hard for women to feel erotic and passionate towards each other under those circumstances.”

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