Whatever your sexuality, dealing with a sex drought in a long-term relationship can be really tough. Throw in the fetishisation of lesbians, and the misconception that we’re at it all the time, and a sex drought can feel like a much bigger deal for us than our straight counterparts. I mean, society has even given us our own special term for when the sex has dried up – Lesbian Bed Death! Sounds ominous, right?
I spoke to queer sex expert, podcaster and author Meg-John Barker about what ‘Lesbian Bed Death’ (LBD) actually is, and how you can get over your own sex slump if you’re lesbian, bisexual, pansexual or having sex with another vagina-having human.
What is Lesbian Bed Death?
LBD is the notion that somehow, after being in a long-term relationship, lesbian and same-sex couples have wayyyy less sex than they used to. You might be wondering how the hell that’s different to a mixed-sex relationship – the truth is, it isn’t that different.
A sex drought can happen for a number of reasons, Meg-John explains. “For example, one or both people can feel less sexual if there are periods of sickness, high work stress, or after a trauma or crisis,” they say. Nothing different between lesbian relationships and mixed-sex relationships there then!
But Meg-John does acknowledge there are some special nuances in an all-female relationship. “Female partners in particular often become very close emotionally, spending a lot of day-to-day life together in domestic situations,” they explain. “It can be hard for women to feel erotic and passionate towards each other under those circumstances.”
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