Internalized homophobia. We’ve heard all the words before, but how many of us know we’re suffering from it? You believe you’re over it?
We have been caught up in a culture from the eldest of ages that scorns the odd and promotes the average. Whatever our family’s love may be, society sends a very clear message— be like everybody else— to be heterosexual. It is promoted by films, television and radio. It is promoted by magazines, best selling books and newspapers. It is promoted by schools, churches and clubs. There’s the message everywhere you turn out— people want females and females want males… They aren’t?
Not acknowledging lesbian feelings
I don’t understand where to begin to explain my condition and emotionally what’s going on with me. I had crushes on several females, however, but they were not lesbians, and I never revealed my appeal. I don’t want to keep everything bottled in, but I don’t know what to do. Any recommendations? Married and embarrassed.
Why are we amazed with all the shouting so many of us will not hear our own inner voices until later in life? And how can even the bravest of us dare stand up for what we want and need, no matter what age we may be,?
Certainly some of us are still living so deeply in denial, anything seems to be a step up. How many times you’ve heard— I’m not a lesbian! I’m just loving this one woman. Of course.
Homophobia’s indications may be highly subtle. It may be found in tiny respects when internalized. Ask yourself— is this something I hold any hope that I am not a lesbian? Does my conduct have any shame, no matter how minute?
With Sexual Intimacy, Uncomfortable
I think my issue is that the sexual aspect of our relationship is awkward. It’s a whole distinct story if I get drunk! But I don’t drink frequently and I hate this is the only moment I feel like being intimate with her. This is something I am so confused about. She is in every manner a lovely lady and I love her physical appearance. What’s this all about? To be new to this.
After much confusion and soul-searching, many females clue in to that inner voice, or need. Even then, just to be certain, the test of emotions against fear is discussed in minute detail. Some women won’t accept their lesbian feelings completely— insisting they won’t be sure of their orientation until they experience their first lesbian liaison. If you doubt that this is a sign of homophobia, consider that to verify heterosexual emotions, no one would ever suggest that a sexual experience is essential.
There are many females who can only enjoy sexual intercourse after removing their inhibitions. Sadly, either alcohol or drugs ‘ apparent decisions leave many of us full-time addicts and chemically dependent. However, once the inhibitions are dropped under the impact of alcohol or drugs, and these females may become sexually free. When the chemical leaves the body, however, not only do the inhibitions come back, but the combination adds guilt and shame.
You may want to consider some support groups and/or therapy if you see yourself going down this path. At least to the point where you eliminate the risk of destroying your life or killing yourself with chemicals, you need to address this problem.
Eliminating fear is the only answer to the fundamental issue. Obviously, there are many distinct levels of fear engaged in homophobia, as well as distinct methods of addressing our own problems in the best way.
I would suggest online help for those who are deeply afraid, or those who reside in fields with the least quantity of support groups. Nothing fancy is really essential, and there are distinct options based on your character or interest. The general objective is to be comfortable with lesbians and around them.
Are you crying when you see two females flirting with each other? Immerse yourself in a lesbian chat room with lots of females flirting. There’s a lot to choose from so find the one you can appreciate beyond just becoming comfortable. Are you the shy sort or want more substance than chatter? Find a lesbian forum to choose subjects you’re interested in. This is also a great source of data and resources to learn about problems of politics, religion and relationships— all with a lesbian approach to them. Check the support sessions of your local PFLAG group. If you have a LGBT Center locally, offer a call and find out about your offer timetable. Volunteer your time— a great way to meet females without a bar scene pressure.
Simply taking tiny steps to acclimatize to the concept and the lesbian and community reality will assist lessen homophobia.
With all texts from cultures— past and present— I doubt that any one of us is totally safe from internalized homophobia. But we’re going through a process like so much else in life. It can be a big enough objective for all of us to be conscious of the pitfalls.