Now that you’ve once again become comfortable with yourself, you’ve chosen to inform Mom and Dad it’s time. Gasping as this concept reaches the brain is normal, not to worry.
We understand that with our loved ones, we are frank. But we also fear that after all, the unconditional love that we have been promised may be conditional. So we write down our memory of how homosexuality was presented by our parents, or how they responded when discussing the subject. It’s incredible how evident our memories are when this subject is called up. It’s incredible how evident our memories are when you call up on this subject. To your understanding, your parents never talked about the subject.
Obviously, this is not conclusive. Maybe they’re just uncomfortable with the subject-there’s a lot of people who don’t know what to say about it, or the topic just never came up when you’ve been around. The only thing you can remember is to make / laugh at homosexual jokes.
Well, this may imply they have adverse emotions about homosexuality, or they are simply insensitive to behavior that is politically right. They belong to a religion that teaches that homosexuality is a sin.
Many people do not follow all of their church’s doctrines. Without a memory confirming that they are in agreement with their faith on this topic, you don’t understand for sure that you will find a issue here.
So, maybe you’d like to test the waters before you take that dive, so to talk. When chatting about news or problems, bring up the subject in a non-personal way. With GLBT problems so frequently emerging in the news today, finding something that no one would find confrontational is fairly simple.
Hate crime laws are coming up in November on many votes. Ask about the problem what they believe. A side advantage is that if needed, you may have an opportunity to alter your mind on the problem.
In reaction to the law adopted in Vermont, GLBT marriage is also on many votes. Ask how they feel about the problem-take the chance again, if possible, to teach them on the problem.
Determining how they feel about homosexuals and homosexuality will not be difficult once the discussion begins. If they refuse to discuss the problems, however, you may have to face the reality that they may already have guessed about your sexual orientation and are not comfortable with it.
You have to ask yourself now— How heavily do you want the problem to push?
At this stage, you can come out to them in an effort to force them to discuss their emotions about it. You need to be ready to face their anger and disappointment head on if you decide to go down this path. Do not make a mistake; forcing them to face your sexual orientation will produce powerful responses— none of which will be encouraging. That doesn’t mean that they won’t function through their own homophobia ultimately. Just because they won’t believe about homosexuality through their emotions before they start dumping it on you.
For the time, another alternative is to go back off and plan to take up the subject again, and often. Something needs to be said to push the envelope more softly until it is opened. Using this technique provides you the added benefit of getting the chance to investigate the problems. Once you’ve finished, you can provide them with facts and resources to counter misunderstandings that can influence their emotions.
The third choice is very hard. You can avoid coming out to them completely after hearing serious disapproval. The biggest problem with this option is that you will eventually find that you don’t share your life with the individuals you loved the most and the longest. Soon, for fear of using the incorrect pronoun, you will be unable to share any private news with them. Hopefully you’ll have an interesting and rewarding career because, of course, that’s all you can talk about— other than the weather.
Regardless of how you choose to go out to your parents, it is wise to provide them with support resources and data. Even the most acceptable parent can use PFLAG’s data. If your parents prefer books, Carolyn Welch Griffin, Marian J. Wirth and Arthur G. Wirth recommend Beyond Acceptance.
Also essential is the timing of coming out to family members. Do not choose a holiday— most holidays are stressful and memorable— and may not be the first responses you receive in your scrapbooks that you want. There is no reason to give it an official anniversary if there are to be any adverse responses.
Hopefully one day-soon someday-the fear and stress of coming out to loved ones and associates will no longer be necessary. Someday, God willing, I think there’s nothing more noteworthy about sexual orientation than the color of our eyes. Someday…
Before the next moment…