I don’t know if it’s something in the air or perhaps the current alignment of the stars, but recently I’ve had a lot of discussions about abusive relationships— child abuse or relationship abuse— physical abuse or verbal abuse— controlling or manipulating in nature— the combinations are endless. The one prevalent factor in all these events is the devastation remaining in the psyche of a woman. Our bodies heal and our spirit moves us along— but our minds retain the pain and fear of the experience being repeated. For many of us, another woman’s therapy is nearly more disastrous than the abuse itself.
For me, the chat room and forum conversations bring the added frustration of knowing that you are unable to avoid or stop the pain and suffering of a friend. Or maybe it’s both.
So, I approached and spoke to a number of social work and psychology professionals about the events we are now encountering in many lesbian circles. It’s not an illusion— we’ve passed from being people living in a nursing society to being part of the issue. How did that occur?
Who is healing?
Many of us are going to compare our interactions in search of an answer to the question, “What is normal?” I doubt that any of us are attempting to accomplish “the norm,” but are actually attempting to verify that our relationships are healthy and our activities are sound.
One specialist, Terence T. Gorski, estimates that 20-30% of the U.S. adult population comes from healthy, functional households. That implies some 70-80% of us are from dysfunctional households. It definitely gave me a pause when I read that figure. I acknowledge I’m in the group of 70-80 percent, so I understand I’ve got a job to do.
Gorski has a great workout to use to assist you determine whether you are falling within the range of “good.”
“First sit back, sit down in your chair, take a profound breath, and notice what’s going on inside the middle of your body from the pit of your belly right up to your neck. See if you can put a word label on those emotions. Take another breath and notice if you have a discussion going on in your head. Then take a third profound breath and see if your mind tends to go away.
Who are we going to ATTRACT?
Have you ever been asked by a friend to introduce them to a good person? They can’t discover anyone interested in them somehow. The females who ask them are either insane or unattractive or something else they might not find appealing in a female. So what kind of lady do you ask your friend they want to meet?
“I want to meet a shapely, vigorous lady who takes care of herself and loves doing stuff instead of staying at home all the time.”— So look at your friend who could stand to lose about 45 lbs, who took 3 months before she agreed to leave the house to meet you for lunch, and who believes that going to the curb to get her mail is an outing— and you’ve got to ask— what would she do for lunch?
That’s the point? Well, the point is we have to remember we’re attracting females like ourselves. So if you want someone with some characteristics, they’d better be consistent with your own— or you’ll wait a long time to meet her.
RELATIONSHIPS TYPES Remember how Mom always said that she loved all her kids differently? Relationships are like this— distinct kinds of relationships, or, if you like, on distinct levels. The most prevalent issues that couples experience are when each person experiences a distinct level of connection.
Superficial participation. We all comprehend this level of connection. The connection does not involve any commitment or danger, and communication is casual and non-threatening.
Think of a coworker or fellow student to whom you may feel friendly, but if they have a problem, you won’t lose sleep.
Companionship. For the purpose of sharing a common activity, two individuals associate. More essential than the individual who joins you is the activity.
You’re golfing so you’re inviting a friend. Your friend isn’t in the golf mood, but indicates a different activity. You decline the invitation comfortably because your objective was to play golf, not to spend time with your buddy.
Friendship. This is the companionship’s inverse side. The association’s aim is to spend time enjoying the friend’s business— the activity is secondary.
You are inviting and declining your friend to a film. You alter the activity to do so because you want to spend time with your buddy.
Love romantic. This is where friendship is transformed into a shared enthusiasm, sensuality and gender. I understand some of us think it sounds incredible, but this comes after the development of friendship.
WRAP IT UP Naturally, all this is just the start. Before we dive into the profound waters of friendships and engagement, there is still much to be analyzed.
So, do you believe you can acknowledge abusive conduct?
Before the next moment…