Are you ready for love? Sounds like an easy question to answer, doesn’t it? Ironically, there are many of us who assume we know the answer to that question – and will be surprised when we discover that we do not. Review the potential barriers to your availability before you answer that question —
1. Am I still in love with an ex-partner? Am I still carrying tremendous resentment and rage toward an ex-partner?
When a relationship ends – no matter the why or who of it – there is the need to grieve for the loss of the partner and/or the relationship. During the grieving process we come to terms with unresolved feelings and issues as well as our feelings of loss. This is necessary in order to allow us to let go of the attachment we feel for our ex-partner. If we have not completed the process, we run the risk of transferring unresolved issues and feelings onto the new partner and relationship.
2. Do I often feel spiritually or emotionally empty within myself? Do I dislike the person I am? Do I feel that I have very little that is valuable to offer my partner? Do I feel no one would want to be in a relationship with me?
It is necessary for each of us to learn to nurture and love ourselves before we will be able to love another or nurture a relationship. Healthy relationships require each partner to give rather than take or the balance will be lost. If you have nothing to give to the relationship, you will drain the life out of it until there is nothing left but a bad taste in your mouth.
3. Do I have an addiction that I am not dealing with? Do I feel so lonely and desperate that I am totally miserable without a relationship?
Each of us can serve only one master at a time. An addiction leaves nothing left over to offer to another, so it is impossible for the addicted to build and sustain a healthy relationship. The other side of this coin is that some of us become addicted to being involved in a relationship – another type of addiction that allows us to escape or hide from our selves.
4. Do I find it almost impossible to feel any emotion? Am I unwilling to talk about my feelings with others?
Relationships are about feelings – you need to recognize and share your feelings and emotions with your partner in order to build communication. It is unhealthy to expect our partner to know how we feel unless we tell them. And if we are unable to feel any emotion, we have no feelings to share with our partner.
After reviewing each of these questions, did you answer yes or maybeto any of them? If so, you are not ready for an intimate relationship with anyone. Take some time off from looking for someone special, deal with your demons, learn who you are and what you want from life, and thenstart looking around for someone to love.
Until next time…