Age Differences in Lesbian Relationships

Hi Dr. Frankie,

I’m in my early forties and I’ve started to casually date again after being single for almost a year. A couple of girls have asked me out on dates. Both dates were a lot of fun but the girls turned out to be younger than I thought… in their early thirties. Not sure if I should ask them out on a second date because of the age difference of more than ten years is not really going to work for me, I think. Should I keep an open mind? What is the maximum age difference you think for a relationship to work?

Dear Young at Heart,

Depending on the maturity and energy levels of you and your dates, I see no problem with a ten-year age difference. I’ll use myself as an example; even at a young age almost all my closest friends were at least several years older than me.  When I dated, I was attracted to women who were on average seven to ten years older.  I found that I connected with them more so than women of my age.  It probably isn’t a total coincidence that the last two women you’ve dated have both been about ten years younger than you.

I’m guessing that you probably have a youthful energy and are also attracted to younger women.  On the flip side, I have found that relationships with an age difference of more than ten years can be challenging because the gap becomes almost generational, and differences in things like pop culture and worldviews become more glaring.

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