Have you ever known a woman who has always known that instead of males they are drawn to females? So conscious of her own emotions, from the beginning she acknowledged her appeal. Maybe she didn’t know the name for how she felt, but she knew precisely who she wished and how to identify herself was her only epiphany. She is someone who does not have any doubts about her own sexual identity.
Talking to the now grown girl[ or reading posts / emails from] who knew they were distinct from other women they knew, they will often say I always knew. Or maybe I have known as far back as I can remember. If you’re like me, you’re going to ask how somebody might understand that well without some type of outside impact. They’re going to tell you it was just there – a part of them-and it was so much a part of themselves that they couldn’t imagine anything else.
On female educators and scout leaders, these females can remember crushes. They remember weeping when they were dumped for a BOY by the camp leader in the dance! Oh, it was terrible the hurt and rejection! But they thought it was necessary to keep their emotions confidential. They felt different, and if anybody found out, they’d… Well, who understands what was going to happen, but they knew it was awful.
It’s a popular refrain to feel like they’re the only one to ever feel this way. Most of these females not only remember that they felt they were DIFFERENT, but also that they believed they were the only girl ever to feel drawn to other girls. They feared they would never find a girl feeling the same way. But they also realized that the way they thought they would never be able to alter. What an awful dilemma to discover yourself in.
To these young females, the discovery of homosexual or lesbian words in a magazine, dictionary or book was an epiphany. The world is suddenly not just a wonderful place, but they have a place in it. The relief is enormous as for the first time in their young lives they start to plan and explore the opportunities. They’re taking the first tentative steps like a kid in a candy store. This time, some females define themselves as feeling physically lighter or always being giggling.
As she grew older, when involved in LGBT groups, she recalls the feeling of coming home. She spent all her free time at either LGBT Community Centers at some stage in her life participating in political operations, joining LGBT clubs, or going to the LGBT bars. Just plunging into settings full of like-minded LGBT people brought some peace of mind like no other.
She may or may not have felt that she could tell her secret to anyone, but she found peace in her heart knowing she wasn’t alone. She realized she’d find the girl for her one day and they’d be happy to live after…
Before the next moment…