Dear Straight Girls,
I’m sorry to break it to you, but there’s a little thing you do that annoys us lady lovers to no end. We won’t stop being your friend or anything — it’s not that big of a deal. But, we do need to clear up a few things:
If I had a dollar for every time a straight girl said to me, “I just wish I was a lesbian!” I wouldn’t necessarily be a rich girl, but I’d absolutely have a few extra bucks in my pocket.
I hear it when boyfriends do things that are a bit “dickish,” and if a breakup is involved, it’s even worse, sending the women into monstrous, man-hating modes.
You’re convinced that the root cause was some inherently masculine trait, something that comes with having a Y chromosome. This warped view may make you feel like dating a woman is a much better choice.
You put us “magical lesbians” up on a pedestal. You think we’d be more understanding, and we’d listen to you and be all of the other things about which Beyoncé croons in “If I Were A Boy.”
Again, I’m sorry to break it to you, ladies, but it’s just not true. Unfortunately, I must dispel some of the myths you hold true regarding what it’s like to date a woman.
So, here’s why you probably don’t want to be a lesbian after all:
Women can be dogs, too
Let’s take a trip to your local gay bar over the weekend. Look around, and I’m sure the sheer amount of “dyke drama” you witness will surprise you.
There’s a pouty girl over there, all melancholy, while her girlfriend flirts with the hot barmaid. Then, there’s a Shane-alike making her rounds, moving from one girl to the next, until she finds someone with whom to go home.