If you’re a veteran lesbian, chances are you’ve been in at least one long term relationship with a girl. You may have noticed that it was scary and difficult. However, if you are new to the scene and curious about the future, here is a list of things you can expect to find yourself experiencing once you trap the lady love of your life.
Prepare to be constantly tipsy. In your new relationship, you will feel joyously carefree and adopt a devil-may-care attitude, which will make every day with your girlfriend seem like a mini celebration. Going on an autumn walk? Wine in a traveling cup. She just got out of her linguistics final? Shots! You got off work at midnight instead of 2:00 a.m.? A house call with cheap vodka and champagne is in order. You’re so excited to be together you make every day a party, even if it’s a Tuesday afternoon and you have papers to write.
Get ready for an onslaught of feelings, girls! You will find new and interesting reasons to be emotional, and therefore take crying to new levels. Cry because she’s the one. Cry because you’re not sure she’s the one. Cry because you’re drunk and her smile is so beautiful. Cry because she’s the only person who understands you. Cry because even after four months, she still doesn’t fully understand you. Cry because she’s fucking you too hard but you don’t want to ruin the moment. Cry because she’s crying. Really, the possibilities are endless.
Severe REM loss
Face it – once you get into a serious lesbian relationship, you will never sleep again. The hours you used to spend sleeping will suddenly be filled with one or more of these: passionate sex, mechanical sex, drunk sex, half-assed sex, angry sex, or a screaming fight about not having sex, followed by pity sex and a faked orgasm (which you don’t normally do, but damn it, you’re really tired).
Of the horizontal variety. In a relationship, it is almost guaranteed that you will get fat and happy. You will lie contentedly in her arms on your plush couch among your eclectic throw pillows and reflect on how lucky you are. You will order in and eat out. In a spirit of domestic goddess-osity, you will attempt to cook dinner from scratch, which will of course result in half the kitchen on fire and subsequent takeout from the Chinese bistro down the street. You won’t mind. You’re in love.