I was straight until I wasn’t. And I think that’s the way it goes for a lot of women. You don’t know you’re interested in pursuing a woman for more than friendship until you know. But once you know, well, there’s a lot to discover. And I don’t mean that in a gross way.
When I started dating the first woman I ever dated (shout out to my wife), I was moderately terrified. I didn’t know how to be, what to say, what to touch and when to touch it. There are so many unspoken rules, it would take a cryptologist to decipher them. A lesbian cryptologist. Mainly because women are complicated, but in the best way. (Disclaimer: There really aren’t any rules if you’re dating the right person.)
So now that I’m married to a woman, and I’m still basically an expert at being terrible at dating, I’ve rounded up some of the questions I was afraid to ask when I first started dating a woman. I don’t necessarily know the right answers, if there even are right answers, but I know what worked for me. And if you or someone you know is a budding lesbian (or queer, bisexual, none of the above, or whatever term you prefer), these questions might be a good starting point.
1. How do I know if a woman is interested in me in a romantic way?
If she identifies as being a lesbian, and you feel like she’s being flirty with you, she’s probably interested. If she doesn’t identify as being a lesbian (or someone who is romantically attracted to women), and you feel a more-than-friends connection, you might still be right. Either way, the best thing to do is to just ask. Which of course can be super awk, but only if you let it. And side note, just because she’s a lesbian and being friendly, definitely doesn’t mean she’s automatically interested.
2. Who pays?